my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
