It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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