Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
