I hate all girls vehemently.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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