Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
