Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I smell like Dick and happiness
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
