He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
