I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
