I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
