How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
