Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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