I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
