he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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