I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize