i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize