What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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