i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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