you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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