the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
