I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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