btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
I'm really busy with my period
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