Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize