Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
