what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
