Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
