You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
