I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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