TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
