My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he thought i was a dude.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
