Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
