well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
