I bet he comes in French.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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