I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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