This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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