Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I supernannyed him into submission
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
