Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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