"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
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