a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
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