Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
