Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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