He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
