she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I am naked and annoyed.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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