After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
