true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
