we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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