We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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