mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
