I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
just found out that she named her cat after me.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
