My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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