Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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