I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
