OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
