Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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