did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize