i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
