Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
