i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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