just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
