Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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