They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
