Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
