Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
We are all done wearing pants today
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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