His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
