your thong is hanging out like whoa
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
