I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You can't motorboat a personality
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
