Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
