hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
