Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
