I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
