weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Use "feeling words"
Yay
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
