the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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