How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
