There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize