my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
