SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
