The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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