You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
