i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize