Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
