Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
