i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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