I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Randomize
