It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
