Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
