grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
