Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
