you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
