I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
