I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
