He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
