There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
so let's talk penis.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
