it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
