wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
