Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It's blow job season.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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