she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
