i just google imaged poop.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
