every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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