Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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