omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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