I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
